The Resurrection of a Narcissist

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I KILLED A NARCISSIST! And that Narcissist was me. One of the phrases I would always hear but the meaning is still compounding in enlightenment is “getting out of the trap.” Life has had a lot of hardships that were never that great, but when I looked around me, it could be worse, right? I now know that the true “trap” is the mindset we remain shackled to when our awareness already paid bail and provided us with the key to get out. “Help, I’m caught in a trap and I want to be free” said me to me the other day when some serious downloads came through that my whole life, I have been surrounded, molded and stunted by narcissists and if I don’t get out now, I will become one myself.


I really didn’t realize that when I decided to give up my life of normalcy, I would be trading in pre-assigned/subscribed rules for a new structure of liberty (calling) that would oversee balancing my responsibility (purpose). My responsibility is one that I feel is universal to all: be my authentic self. This means when my authentic self wants to grow, I must make new beds of soil to nourish the coming self from the composted harvest of the past. This is the process of becoming… it’s up to me to receive and implement the “who I am.” It’s a responsibility because Spirit will never let you know who the “who I am” is until you search deep within the depths of who you currently became. And Spirit won’t ever stop bothering you until you know and build a deep relationship with that “who I am.” It can be frustrating when you don’t know who the “who I am” is and you don’t know where the “who I am” resides… unless you go deeper within the subconscious.


At last, you go to the heart, but it’s all strained and you have to care for, pour into, and RESURRECT it. And the “who I am”, you come to find out, is the one that you have been crafting this whole time in co-creation with Spirit. That’s the process, and sometimes twisted yet fun, part of a calling. Because you get to choose how that voice gets to speak. Sometimes we give too much power to the how of the voice and not enough emphasis on the where of the voice. When we do that, we lose the authentic underscore of the silence from where our intuition is born.


Silence feels good on the soul. It gives a break to just be without expectation. Part of the process of resurrection is the act of deliberately becoming a new through doing differently. Most of the time, as humans, doing differently in a way that produces thriving requires us to invert our gaze to deeper within to see how the true self, the seed of Spirit in our hearts, operates in authenticity. It’s like the sea. Waves come and go, creating new markers on land that define mountains, countries and terrains. Yet, at the end of the day, the sea is always water and salt at its core. It can’t be anything else, it can only manifest as creating something unique.

When we lose the silence, when we lose the search for authentic self, and when we lose the core of who we are, we run on a loop until we break the cycle to create something new. All energy must be destroyed to create something new. Sometimes, we don’t even realize how we are born into these loops and inherit these wanderings for the self through intergenerational trauma. Shadow work is the process of walking the fine line between all the parts of us to express that pivotal union between fragments that make up the whole self. To see the whole, we must entertain the significance each part. There is no point of existing without the all of us and individuals of us orbiting in sync with the heart of us. I’ve realized that silence has been a really powerful tool in shaping inner narcissistic traits to align with my higher good and my heart.

In the silence, my heart speaks. Spirit speaks. What constructs my Ego (sense of individualism) becomes grounded in the practicality of the collective when my soul can rest in silence. I can only empower these parts of me to elevate on up to the next level. As I move forward, they will ascend with me, helping themselves help us (my whole self) as an entity, or they will simply not exist in this new Universe that centers my heart’s desires to thrive. Part of crafting a self that fully expands into this life is understanding when “that voice” within me, that feels off center, is making unsanctioned alterations to my destiny that prevent the thriving from occurring. For some of us, that alteration in essence can create demons so big, we have to slay them and resuscitate them, shifting the identity of defect*, we call narcissism, into a voice of healing that centers the thriving self.   

*de-fect [reversal of something done/already complete AKA your whole self is already a done deal it’s just a matter of how unveil them for yourself]

In this week's video blog, I share a little more about my experience and some ancestral tips for how to navigate narcissism in connection to intergenerational loops and sexual shadow work.

If you are interested in receiving higher guidance to help you get what you deserve, check out my FREE Protect Thy Self Guide.

Remember, connecting with our honorable ancestors and divine team, especially for sexual healing and all the journeys it takes us on, can be challenging at first, but very rewarding! If you are in need of assistance, check out some of the resources Gold In Calabash provides.

Blessings to you Soul-Fam!

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